Friday, November 18, 2011

What do you think of my haiku? Honest criticism & detailed suggestions apprecited.?

Autumn crocus fronts


grasses massing in mauve -


trees standing their ground.





Or is this better -





Purple petals front


grasses massing in mauve, and trees


standing their ground.

What do you think of my haiku? Honest criticism %26amp; detailed suggestions apprecited.?
The language is not visual enough and I don't see a real meaning here. Then again poetry can be confusing. I do like the personification of the trees however but I just don't get it.
Reply:You have the general idea of what a Haiku is, but the traditional Japanese haiku is a 5-7-5 verse make up. Though the new American and English Haiku's may be of any number of words per line, so long as the first and third are of equal. Even a 2-1-2 haiku is possible such as Pebble falls - Plop - Pebble sinks.


Your second haiku would have been better as a 3-4-3. Perhaps.





Purple petals front


Grasses massing in mauve


Trees standing tall





But a good effort.





Robert

omar

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